Jokes???

[Oldfeller]

[sime42]

[sime42]

BIngenious!

 

[Rac man]

[Malus]

For anyone who's keeping up with the news.

 

Israeli Cannibals trying to decide how to prepare their latest victim: "Who's sayin' Salami?"

[Malus]

One of my dairy herd stepped on my foot this morning, now I lactose. 

[Steve Bullman]

[Oldfeller]

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

 

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

 

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

 

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

 

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

 

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

 

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

 

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

 

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

 

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

 

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

 

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"...

[Oldfeller]

WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS...

Dear John,

I hope you can help me?

The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car started stalling and then broke down about a mile down the road. I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter! I am 32, my husband is 34, and the Neighbor's daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I need advice urgently.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold. It could also be that the fuel pump itself is faulty. I hope this helps...

John..