Jokes???

[Stephen Blair]

Classics guys:)

[normandylumberjack]

Two canibals eating a clown, and one asks the other, " does this taste funny to you?"

[normandylumberjack]

Paddy & Murphy are in a forest, gazeing at a tall slender spruce tree.

Paddy asks, " How tall d'ya suppose tis?"

Murphy replies " I got a tape in me pocket, feed out the tape and see how high up the tree we can get it"

The tape keeps colapsing after a few feet and the two fellas get a bit loud about the estimated hight.

 

Then a pretty blonde girl, dressed in full ppe, and brandashing a chainsaw walks upto the pair, breaks up their arguement, and says; " stand back lads and I will answer your dilema.

 

She fells the tree, takes the tape and measures the fallen tree. " 50 feet Lads" to which the pair smirk and reply, " Typical dizzy blonde, ye are, we wanted to know the height not the length!"

[lowerforest]

.....

Edited March 10, 2012 by skyhuck
bit much

[lowerforest]

oops - sorry, skyhuck!

[Bearded Munch]

Benny worked in the garment district. Hard. Very hard. He was routinely putting in fifty-and sixty-hour weeks, but at a rate barely above minimum wage, survival in the city was tough.

One day he chucked it all and moved to Colorado. He took a simple job and spent all his time hiking the mountains and learning the terrain. Eventually he learned enough local geography to earn his Guide's license -- and he began to prosper.

Another racks-to-ridges story.

[Bearded Munch]

An Italian woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver tells her, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The Italian woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She tells to a man next to her, "Eh, dat driver ova dere justa insulteda me!"

The man replies, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[scottythepinetree]

A woman cooking in her kitchen was listening to her son play with his toy train. She heard the train stop and the little boy yell "All you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause we're going down the tracks". The mother went nuts and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house, now I want you to go to your room for 2 hours, when you come out you may play with ...your train but I want you to use nice language". Two hours later, the son comes out of the room and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you all ride with us again soon". She hears the lil boy continue "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today". As the mother began to smile she heard the child add "For those of you who are pissed off about the 2 hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen"

[outdoorjoe]

I called in sick today my boss said to me well how sick are you? I said well im in bed with my sister so VERY

[Christopher Schroeter]

The nutritional value of a salad is inversely proportional to the amount of mayonnaise in it. This is known as Cole's Law