Jokes???

[Oldfeller]

Ok, here we go with Big John, tale#1,

one of my pastimes when younger was running dogs, lurchers, salukis, even whippets, John was always interested and loved dogs, but due to knowing he had a short time left, could not own one, but he accompanied me on many occasions, so we were returning from a successful morning, I had a couple of hundred quid and a  decent Sunday dinner for me and the wife, I should point out at this time it was legal, and we had full permission from the landowner, so flushed with success I suggested a pint to celebrate, realizing we were a way from home and our local would be closed, John suggested, "just stop at the next pub we see" not long along the way we spot a pub and pull into the car park, I have never left any dog in the vehicle,  as a good lurcher is a valuable friend and provider  I don't want it getting stressed from heat, or getting stolen by any passing ne'er do wells, so I put him on his lead and we make our way to the door of the pub, John, ever helpful and happy to be able to walk him, asks "can I take him"

"yeah sure" and I hand him the lead, about the same time I notice a small sign on the door,, NO DOGS, EXCEPT GUIDE DOGS.  which I point out to John, 

"it'll be ok" he says,

and walks through the pub door, about roughly 5 steps in,, landlord looks at us, and says,, "Oi", no dogs except guide dogs"

John answers,, "it is a guide dog"

landlord,, " don't come that here mate, guide dogs are Labradors"

John, no hesitation at all, stares vacantly into blank space, reaches down to the lurcher, runs his hands over it and says,,,

"Well what have they given me then"

****************in' place erupted,, landlord is in stiches,, "you can stay, and the dog too, that's the best laugh I've heard in my pub for a long while" 

It was typical of John Humor, always quick thinking, and if you didn't know his history you would never know he would be gone in such a relatively short time.

[Rac man]

[WirralBoy]

[Husqvarna King]

[oldwoodcutter]

[Oldfeller]

ok, another tale of John.

back when I was still working I would occasionally fell a few trees for a local landscaping outfit, I would usually get John a few days or more work, he was despite everything a good worker, he was still driving at that time so I got him on my lorry insurance, we would generally get the wood for nothing and we would sell a bit for firewood here and there and keep Johns mum in wood for the year, if we had plenty of spare after that any proceeds would get put in a jar for a bit of a night out at the end of the year, so one Christmas we all go for a slap up meal and a few,, beers.

so we're all at Johns waiting for the minibus to pick us up and there's a knock on the door, thinking it was the minibus and being closest I said " here we go" and made my way to the door, I opened it and there's this woman and a bloke standing there?, " are you the minibus we ordered?" "no , Do you live here"?the woman said.

"No hold on I'll get him for you" and I gently closed the door and went and told John, "what do they want" he says, "I don't know I never asked, go and ask them"

I go back to the others and John goes to the door, when he opens it there's 3 people there,one is the minibus driver, plus the mystery pair, 

So John shouts "minibus is here" everyone is now standing in the hallway and John says "who are you two"?

the woman announces,, "we're collecting for the local swimming pool, would you like to donate"?

John says " I'm now going out but ok wait there" and disappears back into the house, we continue to board the minibus, so we're wait for John and the door opens and he steps out gives the woman a bucket of water, "There you go" and leaves them on the doorstep.

we were almost at the restaurant before the driver stopped laughing.

we had a great night out, next time I'll tell you what happened at the restaurant. 

 

[WirralBoy]

[Oldfeller]

[Stubby]

4 hours ago, Oldfeller said:

Cracker ! 

[Oldfeller]

Edited July 16 by Oldfeller