Jokes???

[Mrblue5000]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeQdqJWq/

[Will C]

A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in...
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"

The wife runs to the fridge.

"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS"
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs." 


The husband simply smiles, "I just wanted to show you how it feels when I'm driving with you in the car".

 

 

[Will C]

 bloke keeps phoning me and singing stand and deliver, I've told him he must have the wrong number but he's adamant.

[Squaredy]

46 minutes ago, Will C said:

A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in...
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"

The wife runs to the fridge.

"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS"
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs." 


The husband simply smiles, "I just wanted to show you how it feels when I'm driving with you in the car".

 

 

Do you know my wife?!

[WirralBoy]

 

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks . . . . . .

 

"can I have a pint of beer please; and a mop and bucket"

[Logdaft]

[Logdaft]

[Logdaft]

[Will C]

15 hours ago, Squaredy said:

Do you know my wife?!

I reckon she must be my wife’s cousin 🤣

[Will C]

Little lad was mad about tractors - he had toy tractors, tractor wall paper, tractor duvet set, the lot. As he got older he built up his collection more and more and more. 

Then one day when he was in his teens he discovered girls and decided it would probably be best if all the tractor stuff went, and he never spoke of it again. 

Anyway, he takes a girl to a pub, and because the joke is very old the pub was full of smoke. The girl says to him that she'll do anything he wants if he could just make it a bit less smokey.

So with one big breath, that was it, the smoke in the pub was gone, the air was suddenly clean as anything. The girl says that was amazing, lad says not really, I'm an ex-tractor fan.....