Jokes???

[Stephen Blair]

Al I'm going to try and find that sticker, priceless!!

[Bob Slade]

Two nuns were riding their bicycles down the street. The first nun says, "I've never came this way before." The second nun says, "Yeah, it's the cobblestones!":thumbup:

[GardenKit]

Then when the two nuns got home, all sweaty, they had a bath together.

One says "wears the soap"

The other says "yes, it does rather"

[Bob Slade]

Which is worse.

 

Ignorance or Apathy?

 

Well, i don't know and i don't care.

[woody3]

[Adam Bourne]

2 wife's on a girly night out getting on it and very drunk by the end. They walked (staggered) home only for both to stop and have a wee in the local grave yard! Having nothing to wipe with one of the girls improvised and used her pants.. The other grabbing a wreath from a grave and using that!! The next morning one husband rang the other to say that his wife had come home with no pants and there where to be no more ladies nights out!!

 

The other husband replied, " if you think that's bad, my wife came home with a card in her pants reading!! From all the guys at the fire station "we will never forget you""!!!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Arbtalk

[corylus]

[attach]149624[/attach]

 

 

"Thems that av jobs"

[ArthurBottlesworth]

An Update on Economics Explained by Cows

*

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

*

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

*

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk

*

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

*

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

*

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

*

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

*

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

*

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

*

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

*

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

*

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

*

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

*

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

*

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

*

SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.

*

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

*

INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

*

BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

*

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy..

*

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

Edited February 24, 2014 by Stephen Blair

[urbandekay]

An Update on Economics Explained by Cows

*

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

*

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

*

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk

*

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

*

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

*

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

*

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

*

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

*

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

*

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

*

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

*

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

*

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

*

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

*

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

*

SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.

*

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

*

INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

*

BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

*

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy..

*

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

 

Thatcherism, you have 10 cows one produces slightly more milk, so you knock down the cow shed and build a luxury one reward the higher yielding cow and to provide incentive for the rest you cut their feed. When the herd's yield drop, you label them work-shy and cut their food more

[Bob Slade]

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."