Making the news today....

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

3 minutes ago, felixthelogchopper said:

'Dear Deirdre,

       I'm desperate to get a boy at school to speak to me but he ignores me most of the time. I've tried provoking him by having a go at his values and posting in pretty colours but he still rarely responds. How can I get him to notice me?

 

Yours,

    Kevin.'

 

Deirdre replies; 'Perhaps he has no interest in talking to you. Try writing to somebody else who has time on their hands to reply, like your special friend Tommy Two-Names'.

Dear Soppy pants,

 

We both know we disagree which is why, for several years, I have tended to ignore the vast majority of your desperately dull, self indulgent, self righteous, hypocritical socialist ramblings. 

 

On the rare occasion that you present something remotely funny or interesting, I’m perfectly content to recognise these glimpses of humour or relevance by the application of an emoji or a written response. 

 

Equally, where you seek to counter or contradict a comment I may have made - presumably because it offends your obviously delicate Lefty disposition - rather than just scrolling on by, please don’t be surprised or offended if it attracts a response. 

 

Pledging my enduring devotion....

 

Bite me X

 

 

 

 

[felixthelogchopper]

1 minute ago, kevinjohnsonmbe said:

Dear Soppy pants,

 

We both know we disagree which is why, for several years, I have tended to ignore the vast majority of your desperately dull, self indulgent, self righteous, hypocritical socialist ramblings. 

 

On the rare occasion that you present something remotely funny or interesting, I’m perfectly content to recognise these glimpses of humour or relevance by the application of an emoji or a written response. 

 

Equally, where you seek to counter or contradict a comment I may have made - presumably because it offends your obviously delicate Lefty disposition - rather than just scrolling on by, please don’t be surprised or offended if it attracts a response. 

 

Pledging my enduring devotion....

 

Bite me X

 

 

 

 

'Dear Deirdre, It's getting worse. I can't stop myself'.

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

7 minutes ago, felixthelogchopper said:

'Dear Deirdre, It's getting worse. I can't stop myself'.

Dear Soppy pants,

 

Obviously....

[felixthelogchopper]

1 minute ago, kevinjohnsonmbe said:

Dear Soppy pants,

 

Obviously....

'Dear Deirdre,

      Help! I'm getting obsessed. Why won't everybody agree with me all the time?

Yours,

   Kevin.'

'Dear Kevin,

   Get a fucking life.

Love,

  Deirdre.'

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

47 minutes ago, felixthelogchopper said:

'Dear Deirdre,

      Help! I'm getting obsessed. Why won't everybody agree with me all the time?

Yours,

   Kevin.'

'Dear Kevin,

   Get a fucking life.

Love,

  Deirdre.'

Deirdre writes:

 

Dear Soppy pants, whilst it is our policy at The Sun to empathise with all ‘types’, you appear to present symptoms which might be better suited to the ‘special’ skills of the resident agony “aunt” at a more specialised publication such as The Socialist Worker.

 

We have previously referred some of the more ‘challenging’ cases to Brian, the gender fluid, recently arrived in the UK, disabled, person of colour who serves such a role at that publication since ‘she’ possesses the particular skills to advise your ‘type’ more suitably (notwithstanding, Brian doesn’t have much English language - but does seem to communicate through touch and telepathy)

 

Deidre thinks:

 

What’s wrong with this geezer? This is the bloody current bun. There are no JC sympathies here!

 

Get him sat on Brian’s knee for a bit of Jimmy Saville, that’ll sort him out...

 

That bloke he keeps blathering about sounds pretty sexy though, wonder if I could get him in the office for a quick knee trembler?

 

Deirdre goes for lunch daydreaming of this sexy beast.....

[eggsarascal]

14 minutes ago, kevinjohnsonmbe said:

Deirdre writes:

 

Dear Soppy pants, whilst it is our policy at The Sun to empathise with all ‘types’, you appear to present symptoms which might be better suited to the ‘special’ skills of the resident agony “aunt” at a more specialised publication such as The Socialist Worker.

 

We have previously referred some of the more ‘challenging’ cases to Brian, the gender fluid, recently arrived in the UK, disabled, person of colour who serves such a role at that publication since ‘she’ possesses the particular skills to advise your ‘type’ more suitably (notwithstanding, Brian doesn’t have much English language - but does seem to communicate through touch and telepathy)

 

Deidre thinks:

 

What’s wrong with this geezer? This is the bloody current bun. There are no JC sympathies here!

 

Get him sat on Brian’s knee for a bit of Jimmy Saville, that’ll sort him out...

 

That bloke he keeps blathering about sounds pretty sexy though, wonder if I could get him in the office for a quick knee trembler?

 

Deirdre had just got back from a liquid lunch daydreaming of this sexy beast.....

Fixed.

[felixthelogchopper]

17 minutes ago, eggsarascal said:

Fixed.

Not guilty, Eggs. I just have no interest in talking to your friend but some people just can't accept a subtle hint.

[eggsarascal]

1 minute ago, felixthelogchopper said:

Not guilty, Eggs. I just have no interest in talking to your friend but some people just can't accept a subtle hint.

Was it me who misread it or you?, 

[felixthelogchopper]

3 minutes ago, eggsarascal said:

 

 

3 minutes ago, eggsarascal said:

Was it me who misread it or you?, 

'Deirdre had just got back from liquid lunch'? Did you mean Kevin had?

Edited July 28, 2019 by felixthelogchopper
Double quote

[eggsarascal]

1 minute ago, felixthelogchopper said:

 

'Deirdre had just got back from liquid lunch'? Did you mean Kevin had?

Deidre.

 

I read it as, you are blathering about him, so Deidre was wondering if she could get Kev back for a knee trembler. Please don't tell me it's me, I ain't had a drink yet.