Story at bedtime

[shavey]

wonderful stuff pure poetry in motion great reading cant wait till the next episode

 

have you been sampling the birch sap this spring :thumbup:

[the village idiot]

Chapter 3: The Windy Frog.

 

 

The idiot was in a chipper mood,

Sat astride his steed Dog Food.

They had to find the Bubbling Bog

To quiz a fabled flatulant frog.

 

The Bubbling Bog was due South West,

To get there though would prove a test.

The forest here was tightly knit

With trees his mount was sure to hit!

 

After collision twenty two

Dog Food said the day was through.

They set up camp beneath a Willow

It's mossy roots a natural pillow.

 

Half way through the second day

An acrid stench wafted their way.

The bog was near, but Holy Moses!

They wished they hadn't packed their noses!

 

Approaching the pool they heard a POP!

As bubbles rose up to the top.

"Sorry folks but it appears

I may have had too many beers!"

 

The frog atop a fallen log

Released a puff of evil fog.

"It's carnage in my guts today,

I suggest you fella's keep away!"

 

The idiot, though his head was reeling,

Addressed the frog with strength of feeling.

"We seek the Witch of much mischief,

I must inflict upon her grief."

 

Said the frog through clouds of gas,

"Yes indeed, I know the lass.

Two badgers they did this way come

And said they'd like to give her some!"

 

"To find the Witch you choose to seek,

To Captain Spratt you'll have to speak.

Find him at the 'Dragnet Inn'

He'll be inside there downing gin."

 

The idiot bade the frog farewell,

Glad to escape the awful smell.

The frog looked on as they departed,

Cocked one leg and duly farted!

 

 

To be continued...

[mendiplogs]

Chapter 3: The Windy Frog.

 

 

The idiot was in a chipper mood,

Sat astride his steed Dog Food.

They had to find the Bubbling Bog

To quiz a fabled flatulant frog.

 

The Bubbling Bog was due South West,

To get there though would prove a test.

The forest here was tightly knit

With trees his mount was sure to hit!

 

After collision twenty two

Dog Food said the day was through.

They set up camp beneath a Willow

It's mossy roots a natural pillow.

 

Half way through the second day

An acrid stench wafted their way.

The bog was near, but Holy Moses!

They wished they hadn't packed their noses!

 

Approaching the pool they heard a POP!

As bubbles rose up to the top.

"Sorry folks but it appears

I may have had too many beers!"

 

The frog atop a fallen log

Released a puff of evil fog.

"It's carnage in my guts today,

I suggest you fella's keep away!"

 

The idiot, though his head was reeling,

Addressed the frog with strength of feeling.

"We seek the Witch of much mischief,

I must inflict upon her grief."

 

Said the frog through clouds of gas,

"Yes indeed, I know the lass.

Two badgers they did this way come

And said they'd like to give her some!"

 

"To find the Witch you choose to seek,

To Captain Spratt you'll have to speak.

Find him at the 'Dragnet Inn'

He'll be inside there downing gin."

 

The idiot bade the frog farewell,

Glad to escape the awful smell.

The frog looked on as they departed,

Cocked one leg and duly farted!

 

 

To be continued...

 

Hi MATE I love it mate ❤️❤️❤️Thanks Jon

[Jesse]

The Idiot's new clothes

 

 

Once upon a time, in a land far far away there was a village called Flangefardon. It was just like a village one might encounter today in places like Somerset, with the typical array of characters such as the unimaginably wealthy log merchant with the chatty nature and for whom only the best will will do (assuming he can find out what it is!)

Amongst all the other Flangefardon characters was 'the village idiot'. He really was incredibly simple, and struggled to get his empty head around universally known concepts such as the fluidity of water.

After fishing the village idiot out of the duck pond for the 100th time the residents of Flangefardon had had enough and they banished him to the deep, dark woods, telling him not to return until he had learnt that a body of water will not support his weight, and just because cows spend many hours at a time eating grass and looking gormless it doesn't mean that he has to do it too!

To make his punishment especially harsh they also decreed that he must earn his crust by making charcoal, knowing only too well that only the most vacuous simpleton would even attempt such a hopeless task.

 

Despite the cruel intentions of his community, the village idiot was very happy in the woods. He found the resident pheasants to be very intellectually stimulating and there was plenty of grass to eat.

 

On One particular day the village idiot had lit the kiln and spent the morning attempting to recall the names of his siblings back in Flangefardon. It was past lunchtime before it dawned on him that he was an only child. (The village elders, after experiencing the product of his parents' carnal union had forbidden them any further physical contact for fear they might produce more of the same!)

After his post luncheon snooze he sat on an old Oak stump and watched the smoke billowing from the chimneys of the kiln. To his astonishment the whispy clouds began to form themselves into the shape of a rather portly foreign looking chap.

"Who in the name of Chegwin are you" blurted the idiot, dumbfounded.

"I am Gene the Genie" said the misty manifestation, and I grant you three wishes. Use them wisely".

"I've no idea what to wish for" said the idiot, racking his overstretched grey matter.

"How about some things to assist you in your daily tasks?" proffered the Genie helpfully.

"Ah yes, of course" chimed the village idiot. "Can I please have a signed photo of Count Duckula and a really big spoon"

 

Gene the Genie rolled his eyes, clapped his hands twice and out of nowhere there appeared a glossy print of the much loved waterborne superhero accompanied by a really big spoon.

The village idiot was busy examining his new possessions with undisguised glee when the Genie spoke once more.

"You have one wish remaining. I suggest you use it wisely. If I couldn't see that you are are several sandwiches short of a picnic I would have to assume you were taking the piss!"

 

The village idiot screwed up his face in intense concentration and for possibly the first time in his life came out with something vaguely sensible.

"I should very much like a new set of clothes-to include a suit of the finest leather to protect me when I walk into trees, a stout pair of boots to stop the badgers eating my feet, and a nice furry hat to keep my hair warm."

 

A fleeting look of panic flashed across the Genie's fleshy face. He was fairly new to the Genie-ing game and was unsure how garments such as these were supposed to look. He decided to refer back to his two previous clients for inspiration. Unfortunately for the village idiot these were Grizelda Grimbergen-Gorepants, seamstress in chief to Genghis Khan himself and Percy 'prefers to ride pillion' McProber, the only openly gay member of the Hell's Angels!

 

And thus was how the village idiot acquired his new clothes which he continues to wear to this day, blissfully safe in the knowledge that he is fully immune to the ravages of tree impacts, badger attack, and most terrifying of all... cold hair!

 

Night night.

Yeeeeer like it, only read first 3- 4 half lines......bit long winded, we find reading hard work down here Somerset

[Mull]

Chapter 3: The Windy Frog.

 

 

 

 

 

The idiot was in a chipper mood,

 

Sat astride his steed Dog Food.

 

They had to find the Bubbling Bog

 

To quiz a fabled flatulant frog.

 

 

 

The Bubbling Bog was due South West,

 

To get there though would prove a test.

 

The forest here was tightly knit

 

With trees his mount was sure to hit!

 

 

 

After collision twenty two

 

Dog Food said the day was through.

 

They set up camp beneath a Willow

 

It's mossy roots a natural pillow.

 

 

 

Half way through the second day

 

An acrid stench wafted their way.

 

The bog was near, but Holy Moses!

 

They wished they hadn't packed their noses!

 

 

 

Approaching the pool they heard a POP!

 

As bubbles rose up to the top.

 

"Sorry folks but it appears

 

I may have had too many beers!"

 

 

 

The frog atop a fallen log

 

Released a puff of evil fog.

 

"It's carnage in my guts today,

 

I suggest you fella's keep away!"

 

 

 

The idiot, though his head was reeling,

 

Addressed the frog with strength of feeling.

 

"We seek the Witch of much mischief,

 

I must inflict upon her grief."

 

 

 

Said the frog through clouds of gas,

 

"Yes indeed, I know the lass.

 

Two badgers they did this way come

 

And said they'd like to give her some!"

 

 

 

"To find the Witch you choose to seek,

 

To Captain Spratt you'll have to speak.

 

Find him at the 'Dragnet Inn'

 

He'll be inside there downing gin."

 

 

 

The idiot bade the frog farewell,

 

Glad to escape the awful smell.

 

The frog looked on as they departed,

 

Cocked one leg and duly farted!

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued...

 

 

👍👍

 

Still wondering why the vi only got two of his three wishes in first instalment. Or have I missed something obvious😳 probs.

[the village idiot]

👍👍

 

Still wondering why the vi only got two of his three wishes in first instalment. Or have I missed something obvious😳 probs.

 

He wasted wish one and two on the photo of Count Ducula and the really big spoon. His third wish was the new outfit.

[Mull]

He wasted wish one and two on the photo of Count Ducula and the really big spoon. His third wish was the new outfit.

 

 

Now I'm tvi:)

[the village idiot]

Now I'm tvi:)

 

I trust you intend to dress the part?

[Mull]

I trust you intend to dress the part?

 

 

Aye, just waiting for genie to appear from the vapour of my e-cig!!!

[the village idiot]

Aye, just waiting for genie to appear from the vapour of my e-cig!!!

 

Word has it he's over a Bolam's place.He's refused to even hear wish number three due to the disturbing nature of the first two!