Crap Jokes Thread.

[tommer9]

It's all about the timing

 

Thats where i have been going wrong:sneaky2:

[Klaymeb]

What's Mary short for?

She's got no legs.

 

Your ones have actually made me laugh so far

[Klaymeb]

I've got one but I don't know if it's a bit too iffy

[Amelanchier]

Why are pirates called pirates?

 

 

Because they arrrgghhh.

[Simon Rotheram]

Where does Kylie get her kebabs from?

 

Jasons Donnervan!

 

[Amelanchier]

Did you hear about the accident the other day? Truck full of tortoises crashed headlong into truck full of terrapins.

 

Police said it was a turtle disaster...

[TimberCutterDartmoor]

A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor,

fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes

the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the

ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly.

 

Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Just before he

is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas,

which he devours. They strap him into the chair, flip the switch, and

he just sits there, smiling. According to tradition, this is

considered a reprieve from God and he is freed.

 

Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily dispensing tickets

when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat on the bus.

Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser, breaking the

offender's neck and killing her.

 

Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12

pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm

him. This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a

bucket of water, he tries everything - but the conductor won't die. So

again, he is set free.

 

Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him 1 day to lose his temper

and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus ticket. He

returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the

electrocution. At this point, the executioner can take no more - his

professional pride has been hurt.

 

Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret - "what

is it with the bananas?"

 

"Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it", replies our friend...

"I'm just a bad conductor."

[Robert_S]

What bird is always out of breath

 

A Puffin.

 

Why did the bubblegum cross the road

 

It was stuck to a chickens foot.

[Husky D]

Why do lions get lost?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because jungle is massive!

[Dave]

Why do lions get lost?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because jungle is massive!

 

LMAO