Bad customer service thread!

[TimberCutterDartmoor]

How about a Great Customer Service thread?

 

There are millions of them already.

 

One of my fovourite companies has this as their customer service FAQ:

5. ATF has an attitude. This is evident from the text on the website. It is not our desire to insult anyone, but we are as straight forward as possible, which also means we do not tolerate bullshit or any sort of shifty antics very well. Please treat our employees respectfully, and we will do the same in return. We don't grovel, and threatening us with lost sales (because we don't offer "dealer status" to everyone with an FFL or a re-enacting unit) or legal action (because your order did not arrive until the day after you placed it) will get you cut off. And don't even think about using anyone's credit card other than your own. ATF screws no one but our partners, and we don't tolerate unsolicited buggering attempts.

 

6. Our policies are to protect us as well as the customer. After some hard lessons in years past, we do not accept checks (nearly 10% bounced, wasting many hours chasing them down), we do not extend credit (90% pay late or not at all), we don't ship C.O.D. (30% were refused because a money order was required and/ or the wife was not aware of the delivery), we ship all U.S. orders via UPS (because they have 100% accountability, and tracking numbers) and we don't do preorders because our best guess is almost always wrong as to how long it will be until we make or receive an item. Lastly, we are not a historical reference or appraisal service. The people that want to chat for 4 hours every day about the color of Japanese Army jock straps are the same twits who squeal because it takes us more than 7 seconds to process, pack and ship their order. We try to be informative enough on the website to help customers make a decision with little or no help. So we have time to pack your orders, not because we are cruel and antisocial.

 

7. The owner's sense of humor is nearly always crass and tactless. I hate boring prose, so by personal choice, I sometimes opt for odd, shocking, mildly disgusting, perverted or somewhat hateful comments on my website. This is directed at certain individuals who are unbearably annoying, troublesome or are simply a waste of organic matter and I choose to poke fun. Most comments are only sarcastic and are not specifically intended to offend Muslims, Christians, heterosexuals, people of high moral fiber, twits, drunks, goths, trans gender things, guys who play with dolls at 44 years of age, nor anyone else in particular. I pick on whoever earns it with no discrimination. (Exceptions: I consider it open season on Plushies, pedophiles, TV evangelists, and khaki-nazis at all times and no respect or restraint will be exercised. Guys that compare our stuff to items in their "action figure" collection will be drawn and quartered. If you had played "dress up" with your sister's Ken doll when I was a kid you would have had your ass kicked by your buddies. Work it out for yourself. Playing with dolls after 3rd grade is creepy. Try telling your co-workers about how excited you are that Franz and Lothar are coming out soon and see how they share your anticipation......) Yes, I like George Carlan. This is often a strange business, and it occasionally deserves comment. Not all of them will be nice. That'd be boring anyway. That's all. If you are horrified by my infrequent use of expletives or our April Fool's exposé (crude pics of naked fat things or sacrilegious items), grow up. The filth that appears here from time to time is simply a joke and most people enjoy it. If you want to be offended, tune into CNN and watch what people do to one another in the real world on a daily basis. If a pic of a purple dildo sends your blood pressure soaring and sets your eyes alight, then you need to calm down and step outside of your cave once in awhile. We won't actually send you such a thing. Promise.

[Stubby]

The best customer service I have had is my local pub . You ask for a beer , they hand it to you , you hand them some money .......

[PeteB]

To be fair - a guy at phones 4 U did try hard and a girl from EE was right embarrassed and apologetic that they couldn't switch on this booster box. But what got on my nips was being sold 4G when I don't need it and spending about 3 hours on another phone due to poor signal and someone saying "you should phoned 150 on your handset, that is free!"

[wyk]

Their Germany military helmets make great logging hats.

 

There are millions of them already.

 

One of my fovourite companies has this as their customer service FAQ:

5. ATF has an attitude. This is evident from the text on the website. It is not our desire to insult anyone, but we are as straight forward as possible, which also means we do not tolerate bullshit or any sort of shifty antics very well. Please treat our employees respectfully, and we will do the same in return. We don't grovel, and threatening us with lost sales (because we don't offer "dealer status" to everyone with an FFL or a re-enacting unit) or legal action (because your order did not arrive until the day after you placed it) will get you cut off. And don't even think about using anyone's credit card other than your own. ATF screws no one but our partners, and we don't tolerate unsolicited buggering attempts.

 

6. Our policies are to protect us as well as the customer. After some hard lessons in years past, we do not accept checks (nearly 10% bounced, wasting many hours chasing them down), we do not extend credit (90% pay late or not at all), we don't ship C.O.D. (30% were refused because a money order was required and/ or the wife was not aware of the delivery), we ship all U.S. orders via UPS (because they have 100% accountability, and tracking numbers) and we don't do preorders because our best guess is almost always wrong as to how long it will be until we make or receive an item. Lastly, we are not a historical reference or appraisal service. The people that want to chat for 4 hours every day about the color of Japanese Army jock straps are the same twits who squeal because it takes us more than 7 seconds to process, pack and ship their order. We try to be informative enough on the website to help customers make a decision with little or no help. So we have time to pack your orders, not because we are cruel and antisocial.

 

7. The owner's sense of humor is nearly always crass and tactless. I hate boring prose, so by personal choice, I sometimes opt for odd, shocking, mildly disgusting, perverted or somewhat hateful comments on my website. This is directed at certain individuals who are unbearably annoying, troublesome or are simply a waste of organic matter and I choose to poke fun. Most comments are only sarcastic and are not specifically intended to offend Muslims, Christians, heterosexuals, people of high moral fiber, twits, drunks, goths, trans gender things, guys who play with dolls at 44 years of age, nor anyone else in particular. I pick on whoever earns it with no discrimination. (Exceptions: I consider it open season on Plushies, pedophiles, TV evangelists, and khaki-nazis at all times and no respect or restraint will be exercised. Guys that compare our stuff to items in their "action figure" collection will be drawn and quartered. If you had played "dress up" with your sister's Ken doll when I was a kid you would have had your ass kicked by your buddies. Work it out for yourself. Playing with dolls after 3rd grade is creepy. Try telling your co-workers about how excited you are that Franz and Lothar are coming out soon and see how they share your anticipation......) Yes, I like George Carlan. This is often a strange business, and it occasionally deserves comment. Not all of them will be nice. That'd be boring anyway. That's all. If you are horrified by my infrequent use of expletives or our April Fool's exposé (crude pics of naked fat things or sacrilegious items), grow up. The filth that appears here from time to time is simply a joke and most people enjoy it. If you want to be offended, tune into CNN and watch what people do to one another in the real world on a daily basis. If a pic of a purple dildo sends your blood pressure soaring and sets your eyes alight, then you need to calm down and step outside of your cave once in awhile. We won't actually send you such a thing. Promise.

[Stubby]

Their Germany military helmets make great logging hats.

 

and you can put your sarnies on the spike for later ....

[ArthurBottlesworth]

Got a friend who was in currys shrewsbury with her mate

They got diabolical rude service re something mate had bought

Her mate was going ballistic and being ignored

Friend waited till they walked away and abandoned them and leaned over counter and switched entire system down

Strolled out of shop leaving it in pandemonium, nothing working and major job to fire it all up again