parental advice

[nuggsy]

hey guys, as alot of you are parents and some of you might be in my situation i could do with some advice.

i am thinking of moving away with my current girlfriend but i have a son to an ex.

theres a possibility of my g/f getting a job in milton keynes and im scared if i move with her people will judge me and call me a bad father coz i left. im not going to stop seeing my son or stop communication eather

 

its a big decision n i dont know what to do

[PeteB]

I'm divorced and have two kids aged 10 and 12. We split when they were 5 and 7 and while their Mum and I don't get on, we try very hard not to slag each other off in front of the kids. The distance thing is always going to be an issue, but, if it is for work and relationships and you can still communicate with your kids and see them whenever it is possible and continue to make the effort with them, why should people moan. You too have a life to lead.

 

There is no common facter in the break down of a relationship and everyone deals/handles it differently, so unfortunately there is no definitive answer. I have known people who have moved far away and had nothing to do with their kids and they have suffered. I have also got a friend whose kids haven't seen their dad properly for 10 years and have not suffered because those around them have handled the situation appropiately.

 

I applaud you for having the balls to ask people for their opinion and I hope it all works for you and the kids.

 

Best wishes and good luck.

[nuggsy]

thanks pete, i am absolutly petrified of looseing eather party 2bh.

why cant decisions in life be simple

[John Hancock]

I’ve been separated for three years now and have two young children. I’m lucky in that we live close to each other and I see them fairly often. Personally I could never move away (the parental bond is just too great). Everybody is different and every situation is different. You didn’t mention how old your son was. They are only young once, life is short and you’re along time dead.

 

It’s a hard call to make!

[nuggsy]

hes just over a year n half, which if i was to move away i was hoping that he wont be far enough on in life to realise but at the same time by the time i move he will be 2.

2bh i hope and pray that my g/f doesnt get this job shes going for.

its a once in a life time opertunity for her and i dont want to take that away from her but i dont want this job to take her away from me eather

[David Humphries]

I've never been in your shoes Nuggsy, so am not qualified to judge, but personaly as a Parent I would hold the gift of having and maintaining the developing bond between a father and his flesh and blood, to be of a far greater significance than that of any job oportunity.

 

Dumfries to Milton keynes, although not many miles apart, will seem further away as time and seperate lives develope.

 

The main question would appear to be.............

Is your current relationship one that you fully intend to invest long term comitment to, and do you see your partner as playing a part in your childs life?

 

What ever you do decide, be it a decision of heart and instinct.

 

I wish you all the best for the future.

 

David

 

 

 

.

[nuggsy]

i want to invest the time monkeyd and i do want steff to be part of my sons life, they get on gr8 together.

i have about 5 -6 months atleast to think about it all. i hope it all works out

[Mesterh]

Well I'm not a parent myself but I think that if you have children they should be the most important thing in your life.

 

I would say the balance of the scales should be in favour of whats best for your kid.

 

Must be a very difficult thing to go through and I wish you all the best with your decision whatever it may be.

[josharb87]

be realistic-dumfries to MK-around 5hours via car-not exactly something youre going to want to be doing every weekend is it??

 

you spoken to youre current GF about it? may well be a cracking opportunity for her, but better than seeing youre son everyday/week?

 

be selfish, stay within half hour of him

[Stephen Blair]

i think it all depends on the input you give the kids when you see them. my wife has an amazing relationship with her dad, and she saw him once a fortnight on a sunday. she has no bad memorys of him. just all big fun adventures. I spent every minute with my dad up to the age of 14. now we struggle to be in the same room for more than 10minutes. sometimes you can be too close and smother them. its a hard one mate, one i hope i never have to make. best of luck.