Sound financial advise to sort the economy out.....

[tommer9]

 

Just been sent this excellent fiscal advise:

 

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

 

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

 

 

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

 

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

 

 

Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

 

A. From taxpayers.

 

 

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

 

A. Only a smidgen of it.

 

 

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

 

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

 

 

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

 

A. Shut up.

 

 

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:

 

 

 

* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka .

 

 

* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.

 

 

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

 

 

 

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Israel, Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..

 

 

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

 

 

 

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

 

 

 

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

 

 

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

 

 

1) Spending it at car boot sales, or

 

2) Going to night clubs, or

 

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

 

4) Beer or whisky or

 

5) Tattoos.

 

 

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

 

 

Conclusion:

 

Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night.

 

 

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

[doobin]

Will follow that advice to the letter :lol:

[chaffey]

[Lorry thompson]

Looks I've been helping the economy every weekend for years thanks for a good explanation to present to the wife:thumbup:

[pyro]

Looks I've been helping the economy every weekend for years thanks for a good explanation to present to the wife:thumbup:

 

SNAP!! sept without the wife bit!

 

Ben

[Steve Bullman]

this is funny tommer, but morally wrong

 

what class of prostitute are you going to find at a car boot sale?

 

[dandkgroundcare]

this is funny tommer, but morally wrong

 

what class of prostitute are you going to find at a car boot sale?

 

 

leave them until nearly the end and as their packing up you get them cheaper:lol:

[Steve Bullman]

wrong!!!

[Lorry thompson]

leave them until nearly the end and as their packing up you get them cheaper:lol:

 

Hahaha just remember though they are very well used/worn and maybe lost/stolen