Jokes???

[Ratman]

[Billhook]

[David Cropper]

[Mark J]

A frog walks into the bank and sits down with an advisor.
 
Advisor says hey nice to meet you. My name is Paddy Whack and I’ll be discussing your loan inquiry today.

The Frog says cool, my name is Kermit, nice to meet you.
 
Advisory grins and say’s you’re not the THEE Kermit are you. Frog says no haha but my dad is Mick Jagger.
 
What?? The advisor says, no way. Frog says yeah Mick had an ongoing affair with a frog and I’m their offspring.
 
After the shock the advisor asks about the frogs loan request. So what is it for he asks. The frog says I’m wanting to upgrade my Lilypad.
 
Advisor asks well do you have any collateral? Frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out tiny pink elephant made out of marble.
 
Advisor looks confused and say wait there I’m going to need to speak to my manager.
 
Advisor goes out back and speaks to his manager and holds out the pink elephant and ask hey boss what’s this?
 
The boss says it’s a nick knack paddy whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a rolling stone.

[woodwizzard]

[Tommy_B]

Husband and wife have been together for years and the wife is really bothered that they've never had sex with the lights on. The next time they get it on, she decides she's going to turn it on and suprise the husband. 

Next night, theyre getting it on and she suddenly turns the light on and her husband still has his pants on and she notices that he's got a sex toy and is using that instead of his knob.

Shes absolutely furious and screams at him "What the hell is this?!? What the hell do you think you are doing?!?" 

The husband looks at her and says

"I'll explain this, then you can explain the kids"

[Ratman]

[youngsbury]

[Logdaft]

[kevinjohnsonmbe]