Jokes???

[Oldfeller]

[Oldfeller]

[Steve Bullman]

[WirralBoy]

[Husqvarna King]

[sime42]

 

 

[Doug Tait]

Just had a flashback to being very drunk and telling a similar joke to a Jehovah's Witness couple. I remember the silence well.

[Oldfeller]

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

[Oldfeller]

A man died and went to The Judgment, they told him , “Before you meet with God, I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?”

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!”

“Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?”

“About three minutes ago,” came the reply

[Oldfeller]

A proctologist was angry at his career choice. High malpractice insurance cost, equipement fees, overhead of operating a clinic and still having to pay to operate at the hospital. So when his fifth malpractice lawsuit was filed against him, he'd had enough. "I'm going to quit doing this and follow my passion, motorcycles. So he said what the hell, he signed up for a motorcycle mechanics course at UTI, Universal Techinical Institute. "I'm good with my hands" he thought. So after 18 weeks of training it was final exam day. The class instructor wheels in an old motorcycle for each student, and the final exam it to make the bike run perfect, like new again. "You'll get the results in the mail", said the instructor. So when he gets the results in the mail, he cant believe that he scored 125% on the final exam. He calls up the instructor and asks " How can I have scored 125% out of a possible 100% on this exam? " "Well" says the instructor, "Here is how I scored the test." "You got 25% for correctly diagnosing the problem with the blown engine, 25% for removing the engine, 25% for rebuilding the engine, and another 25% for having the engine run perfectly after re-installation into the motorcycle." The proctologist student says, " But that only adds up to 100% percent and you scored me 125%." "Well" says the instructor, "You got an extra 25% because I've never seen anyone rebuild an engine through the tailpipe."