Jokes???

Oldfeller · June 14

A labour voter knocks the door of a brothel

A woman answers and asks what he wants

The labour man asks what can I get for £1.50p

The lady says go have a wank

3 minutes later the labour man returned and knocked the door again

The Same lady answers and says what now

The labour man says,, WHO DO I PAY?

Oldfeller · June 14

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I

am celebrating.'

This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the

woman.'

'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he

added, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my

Gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence!' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for

years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying

fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become

fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence!'

Oldfeller · June 14

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bar tender says "but you're a duck".
The duck says "I see your eyes work OK".
The bar tender says "and you can talk too".
The duck says " and your ears work fine also, could I please have a beer and a sandwich".
The bar tender says "where did you come from?"
The duck says "I'm working on the building site across the road".
So the bar tender gets the duck a beer and a sandwich, and the duck pays him.
This goes on every lunch time for a few weeks.
One day a circus comes to town and the ringmaster drops in to the bar for a drink.
The bar tender says "you're from the circus aren't you?”
"Yes I am" says the ringmaster.
"Would you be interested in a duck that can talk?"
"Talk?"
"Yes, talk. Perfect English".
"Well I sure would be if it's true" says the ringmaster.
Next day the duck comes in and orders a beer and a sandwich as usual.
The barman says to the duck "how would like a job at the circus? Great pay and lifestyle"
"The circus?" asks the duck. "With the great big canvas 'big-top'. And the animals in cages?"
"Yes" says the bartender.
The duck replies "what the f*ck would the circus want with a plasterer?"