Jokes???

[Oldfeller]

Three men - aged 25, 35 and 45 - had applied to work for the FBI. They'd all passed the previous tests, and now it was time for the final test. All three men were sitting in a hallway with their wives, waiting to be invited into the test room. It wasn't long until the 25-year-old man was invited in.

 

An FBI agent instructed the man to sit down, gave him a gun and said to him: "Go shoot your wife." The man immediately stood back up, practically screaming: "Absolutely not! I love my wife - besides, she's pregnant with our first child! I don't want this job so badly as to kill her for it!" And he stormed out of the room.

 

Then, the 35-year-old man was invited in. He too was instructed by the agent to go shoot his wife. The man, sitting at the table, looked at the gun with a contemplative face for a moment, but ultimately lifted his head and said: "I'm sorry, I can't. I love her too much to be able to kill her for this job." And so, the man walked out of the room.

 

Finally, it was the 45-year-old man's turn. The agent put the gun on the table in front of the man and said: "Go shoot your wife." With an eagerness he hadn't felt in ages, the man immediately grabbed the gun and walked out to the hallway, closing the door behind him. A few minutes passed, during which a horrible racket could be heard from the hallway, and the 45-year old man returned with blood all over his clothes. Upon his return, the FBI agent asked the man: "What the hell took you so long? And why are you covered in blood?"

 

The 45-year-old man answered: "Yeah, sorry. Had to beat her to death with a chair because some asshole put a blank into the gun."

[Oldfeller]

An electrical engineering exam. The professor screws the student.
- All right, last question for 3: How many light bulbs are there in the classroom?
The student looks up, counts:
- Eight!
- Wrong, I have one with me, in my pocket. See you at the retake.
Retake. The professor knocks out the same student again.
- Last question for 3: How many light bulbs are there in the classroom?
- Nine!
- Wrong, I didn't get a light bulb today!
- But I did!

[Oldfeller]

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. 

He asked her where she was going. 

She replied: “I’m going to Las Vegas”.

He questioned her as to why.

“I just found out that I can make £500 a night doing what I give you for free”.

He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch.

“And just where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going with you!” he replied.

“Why?” she asked.

“I want to see how you are going to live on £1,000 a year!”