Logdaft

We just bought a log cabin from IKEA Can't start erecting it yet - they forgot to include the allen key!!

Now ... that`s lucky!! Whale sculpture catches crashed Dutch metro train WWW.BBC.CO.UK A metro train that crashed through a barrier near Rotterdam is left suspended thanks to a sculpture.

A text to a neighbour: Hi, Max. This is Richard, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I havn't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. Richard Max, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Max then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard. SECOND TEXT MESSAGE: Hi, Max. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.

A Swaledale Sheep farmer was attending to his flock in a field near to his farm when suddenly a brand-new BMW raced down the lane towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The Swaledale farmer looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered, "Aye aye, why not" The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his iPad and connected it to a mobile phone , then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his iPhone and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep." "Damn, that is correct; take one of my sheep, as I have promised you boy" said the farmer. He watched the young man select one of the animals and bundled it into his car. Then the farmer says: “If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" "OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a management consultant." said the Sheep Farmer. "That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required boy" answers the farmer. "You turned up here although nobody bloody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already bloody knew, to a question I never bloody asked, and you don't know bugger all about my business. Now give me back my dog!"

Hi Treelighter1980, As roys & Monkeybusiness said, I would also go for big cable ties & join them together if needed to go round the trees & then no need for plywood backing. You don`t say where you are, but if your near Inverness HIS have big cable ties, I saw them when I was in there last week. *Edit* You could also buy a reel of small diameter black plastic sheathed copper cable, cut it to length & twist it @ the back of the trees to tighten it, this way it could be easily removed & reused.

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, English scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the English, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the English". One week later, the Pluck Times, a local trusting print company in Donegal reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his back garden in Pluck, Donegal man Paddy O'Doherty a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely Fech all. Paddy has therefore concluded that 250 years ago while the English and Americans were still messing about with cable, the Irish had already gone wireless..."