No Pun Intended!

[TimberCutterDartmoor]

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired His size from too much pi.

 

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

 

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

 

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

 

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

 

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 

A backward poet writes inverse.

 

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

 

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

 

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

 

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[the verminator]

[sloth]

Nice1 made me smile

[PeteB]

Sweet ones John!

 

She was only the Undertaker's daughter, but anyone cadaver.

 

She was only the tarmac layer's daughter, but she knew how to get her asphalt.