Heres some banter for the Dundonians out there!!!

[john@arbtech]

DUNDEE HURRICANE APPEAL

 

Hurricane 'Senga' hit the Tayside city of Dundee in the early hours of yesterday morning. Victims were seen wandering round aimlessly muttering "Pure mental, man no?" The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £90 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and Seville were damaged beyond repair. Three historically important areas of burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived the next morning. Police state that incidences of looting, muggings and car crime were particularly high during the night, but calmed down when the hurricane struck.

 

Twenty-two asylum seekers were rescued from an apartment in the Fintry Area; rescuers are going to search the second bedroom later today. Radio Tay reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Dundee. One resident, Bernadette O'Reilly, a 15 year old mother of 5 said "It gied me a pure fright so's it did. Meh little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into meh bedroom greetin'. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Natasha slept through it all. Eh wiz still shaking when eh was watching Trisha the next morning, so eh wiz". Neighbour Joseph 'young young' McGurn said "The noise wiz tremendous.

 

At first, eh thoat it wiz the Neds coming oot of The Cutty Sark Bar, but it wiz even worser. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bon Accord, Pola Cola and two tons of deep fried mars bars to the area to help stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching the rubble and have found quantities of personal belongings including Benefit books and bone china from Poundstretchers. Residents in neighbouring Forfar offered to accommodate those left homeless, but the Dundee people decided they were better off where they were. A Council spokesman has indicated that it would take at least a full morning to get things looking like normal and added "There has been a pure Blitz spirit, everybody's been pure blitzed".

 

Poundstretcher has agreed to stay open 24 hours to allow residents to refurbish their homes. The Government has pledged to ensure that bookies, pubs, chip shops and other essential services will reopen as soon as possible.

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This Appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing most sought after includes - Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Hoodies, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), white sport socks, Rockport boots or Adidas trainers. Food parcels are also urgently required. Please try to include - Microwave chips, Pies from Greggs, Sugar Puffs, Tins of spaghetti, Gypsy Creams Curly-Wurlies, Red Cola, cans of Special Brew and Diamond White, bottles of Buckie or El Dorado, glue or hairspray.

 

Just 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and Irn-Bru for a family of nine. £3 will pay for a pouch of tobacco, papers and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

 

*Breaking News*

 

Rescue workers have found a 10-year-old girl in the rubble. Apparently she was smothered in raspberry Alco- pop. When asked where she was bleeding from she replied "The Kingsway, whit's it got to dae wi' you?"

[Stephen Blair]

that is hilarious mate, i hate dundee its almost as bad as aberdeen.

[john@arbtech]

aye, ano, and am thinking of moving up there! If SHE cant find me a job! my job hunting isnt as serious as hers is!! ha

[geoff]

That put a smile on my face, sounds like it could have been Romford.

[log supplier]

pure class.. what a laugh............... :001_smile: