Jellystock

AAARRRRRRGGHHH!!

"Aye, she was a beast of a fish I tells ye"

Mick's gonna grow a ginger beard now and hang around in the nearest pub to Gillingham pier trying to rent his boat out.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EfW9znJYjw]YouTube - Edmund hires a ship - Blackadder - BBC[/ame]

Jeez, I never typed all that out, it has been unashamedly ripped off from another forum, seems true for all forums though don't it.

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. '

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, please write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb???

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 to hijack the thread and ask how to change the horn

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

He was on his own, BBC southeast tonight, heres a link to last nights update.

BBC News - Whale dies stranded on Pegwell Bay beach in Kent

I'm sure they'll update it later tonight.

That made me spit my beer out and laugh after a very very bad day

Good:thumbup::thumbup:

Who saw him, Mick 'Ahab' Stockbridge on the south east news?

Cutting up a whale on a beach, I bet he was up all night rehearsing his crappy pun:001_tt2:

"Umm, big fish"

The SE News website aint been updated yet, as soon as it does I'll post the link:thumbup:

I tried to keep this a secret, but somehow the news leaked out, so I thought I’d better tell everyone.

Most of you know my girlfriend went in for a surgical procedure - an Arse Lift.

She didn't have the most pleasant experience.

She should've left well alone.

I wanted to show you how it turned out.

I hope this keeps YOU from having this done.

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE . . . don't get an Arse Lift. You will most certainly regret it !!!

Hi Everyone

If you are interested in getting an iPad I can get hold of them through a contact.

The numbers are limited. I have 10 iPads going for less than half price – it’s first come first served.

I have already sold one (picture is attached below so you can see what you are getting – they are from a cancelled Health Department contract due to the cutbacks.)

Get back to me as quick as you can if you want one. Please see sample herewith…

pic is attached below

Cheers everyone for all the positive replies, he makes me such a proud dad EVERYDAY,

but I'm dead chuffed hes got an interest in music,

OK, I guided him into a bit when he was younger,

but listening to, enjoying and sometimes learning an instrument seems to run through our family.

PMSL at this......

Wife Will Never Touch a Gun AgainVideo

"Come on baby":lol:

I'm dead chuffed of how my boy Wesley is coming on.

Click on the image

go into partner ship with your wife. I'm not 100% sure but the guy who told me said the limit is doubled. If its wrong he's in some serious shhhhh

I'm in a partnership in a LTD company, the threshold is still the same, 70k, its just been increased by 3K.

If you aren't limited, start one up and then you'll have two separate thresholds,

Sole trader and LTD.

With me and my partner as individual sole traders and a shared LTD Co we have 3 different ways of earning dough:thumbup:

Think the builders wont give a toss All they wont is to get paid at the end of the day and will do anything.

We're not prostitutes, take your blinkers off and stop stereotyping us!

Did you see him on My big fat gipsy wedding, be jeez!

5 minutes before it came on I said to a mate "I'm off to watch my big fat gipsy wedding, I meet even see some of the family!"

Then Mick pops up on it.

Don't forget that NOT being VAT registered makes a big difference to your quote for most domestic clients and gives you more chance of getting the work:thumbup:

I dare say that loads of you have climbed to some dizzy heights but I bet you can't beat theses guys!

http://www.liveleak.com/mp53/player.swf?config=http://www.liveleak.com/mp53/player_config.php?token=07b_1284580365%26embed=1

I stand corrected sir

thank you for the info, I am filling out the application now. thanks again mark.

Someone offers you some collar, albeit a day, and you don't even acknowledge them?

Good luck in the future hunt for work matey!

Being self employed is all about networking and fingers in different pies, never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Passed my test in 2003 after having a mid life crisis and buying another Vespa 125:thumbup: but ended up needing more power to use a dual carraigeway:blushing:

The day I passed I bought an old Deauville with 89,000 miles on it!

I followed that with a Pan ST1100 and I've had this RF900 for the last 3 years.

Great bike, but TBH I'd rather have an ADV bike of some sort, the new 800 Tiger XC would do nicely:thumbup:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uSEQmDd3uw]YouTube - Sara Evans - Suds in the Bucket (LIVE)[/ame]

Just wondered if ive seen Jelly stock on the tv ie shooting stars youre a dead ringer mate.

Just a coincidence mate, altough I've got a burger wagon too:thumbup:

Its my 2nd wagon, Mick burnt the last one down while trying to weld my tea urn to the counter:thumbdown:

Mick, is that avatar of you when Dad bought you all that kit for xmas in 1981?

Oops, sorry, I forgot that you like to tell people you were in the RAF/SAS/Marines/Army/Scouts or whatever it was.

What are you telling folk lately?

Mine is to stop making New Year resolutions that only last 2 weeks,

i.e. all of em:thumbdown:

Atleast he was wearing a pair of radio ear defenders so he had something to listen to whilst waiting for the ambulance

:thumbup:

I thought the whole vid was well funny, what a cock!