Jokes???

[Logdaft]

[Mark J]

[roboted]

[woodwizzard]

Drove passed this queue for the shops yesterday?

[roboted]

2 hours ago, woodwizzard said:

Drove passed this queue for the shops yesterday?

Touché  ?

[andy cobb]

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent:

 

He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. “Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it.”

 

The farmer was dubious. “Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you.”

 

The salesman was delighted. 

 

They went to the field and he stripped. 

The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. And back to the house went the farmer. 

 

The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard and drawn, but not one bite on him.

 

The farmer was perplexed. “Son.” He said, “Now, you don’t have a bite on you, but you look like hell! What the devil happened?”

 

The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked. “For crying out loud, Mister, doesn’t that calf have a Mother?”?

[Khriss]

Not my work, I assure you , but found these words of wisdom elsewhere. 

 

 

1). Don't Piss on my leg then tell me it's raining.

2). If you have nothing old you never have anything new.

3). If it looks too good to be true she's still married.

4). Never witness with your mouth something you did'nt witness with your eyes.

5). Never say it behind their back if you can't say it to their face.

6). Moderation is good , in moderation.

7). If it has a lump in it its not a fart.

8). If you're over fifty-five never waste a stiffy.

9). Don't do what your parents tell you 'cos if they were that clever they would'nt have had kids in the first place.

10). If she's thirty plus years younger than you DIRTY BASTARD!!!

11). Live every day like its the day BEFORE your last 'cos your last day is gonna be shit.

12). It ain't Bragging IF you can back it up.

13). If you're bored when you're on your own its you thats the bore.

14). Judge your wealth by the loyality and quality of your friends NOT the contents of your purse.

15). It's not where you've been, it's where you're going that counts.

16). Growing older is not upsetting, being perceived as old is.

17). There are no problems BUT there is a ****************ing big box of
unused solultions.

18). Why " fit in " when you were born to be outstanding.

19). What seems like a wrong turn can lead to a move in the right direction.

 

K

 

( Mr Stubby is No16  )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Tippin Alaybye]

[Logdaft]

^^^^^^ I wish someone would have warned me that the can of beans `treatment` doesn`t work!! 

Edited July 27, 2020 by Logdaft

[Tippin Alaybye]

it does though. did you get the dose right? it's three times a day after a meal