Jokes???

[peatff]

I nearly got caught shoplifting kitchen utensils, I can't stop though I'm a compulsive whisk taker.

I know it's bad to be racist but I just hate marathon runners.

[sloth]

I'm literally crying! [emoji106]

[Al Cormack]

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.     Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite  cheaply.     So, they brought the cow over from Scotland.     It was absolutely wonderful,  it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows,  so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.     They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but  whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,  the cow would move away.     No matter what approach the bull tried,  the cow would move away from the bull,  and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to  the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and  ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.  If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.     When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.     If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this  before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned  that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.  "You are truly a wise Vet," they said.  "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:  "My wife is from Scotland."

[Christopher Schroeter]

[Big J]

How do you weigh a whale?

 

At the whale-weigh station.

 

 

Why do bees have sticky hair?

 

Because they use a honey comb. 

[TGB]

This one only works, if you read it aloud or tell it to someone else.

Q. What are bears without 'Rs'?
A. Beas.

[peatff]

On 14/11/2017 at 19:48, Big J said:

How do you weigh a whale?

 

At the whale-weigh station. 

Where do you take pies to be weighed ?

Somewhere over the rainbow.

 

Somewhere over the rainbow,

Weigh a pie.

[Big J]

Saw a bloke at the beach the other day snogging a shell, so I asked him "what you doing?!"

 

He said "I've pulled a mussel!"

[skyhuck]

Groan

[Big J]

10 hours ago, skyhuck said:

Groan

That was the intended reaction!