Jokes???

[tommer9]

A farmer gets a call from his son...."Dad, Dad, I've just run over a pig and hes stuck under the tractor still alive...."...."shoot it and bury him"... said the farmer...

About half an hour later the phone rang again...."I've done that, now what should i do with his bike and the speed camera???"

[sawing high climber]

Tampax have announced today that they will be replacing the cord on their tampons with a piece of tinsel.

 

This will be for the christmas period only.

[sawing high climber]

Paddy gets nicked for wifebattering

The Judge asks "why do you keep beating her?".

 

Paddy says "I think it's my weight advantage, longer reach & superior footwork!".

[sawing high climber]

Three lads in a Lap Dancing Club were watching a busty blonde gyrating on the pole.The Stoke lad stuck £20 on her left buttock. Not to be out done the manchester lad stuck £30 on her right buttock.The Scouser swiped his visa down the crack of her arse and took the £50 cash back!

[Tree Man Tom]

Two blondes where driving to Disneyland, the sign said; Disneyland Left.. So they started crying and headed home.

[Tree Man Tom]

Some random woman stopped me in the street today and started telling me a joke. It had all the ingredients of a good joke: child abuse; incestual rape; tears and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline. Something about £2 a month?!!!

[nepia]

Prince William's stag do is going to be a surreal affair isn't it. I mean how do you fancy tucking pictures of your gran down a lapdancer's knickers?

[Pat Ferrett]

I asked the wife what she wanted for christmas, She said something to make her look sexy You should have seen her face when I came back with a crate of stella

[mmoran]

2 Snowmen in a field.

1st one says ...... can u smell carrotts ?

[nepia]

This should go down well in certain parts...

 

A Leeds man walks into a High Street bank & asks for a loan. He tells the bank officer he is going to Australia on business for two weeks & needs to borrow £5,000.

 

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan so the Yorkshire lad hands over the keys and documents of a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the log book & everything checks out.

 

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

 

The bank manager & its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the rough-looking Yorkshireman for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5000 loan.

 

The bank manager then instructs an employee of the bank to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage where he parks it.

 

Two weeks later the man returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest of £15.41.

The bank officer says to the Yorkshireman "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely but we are a little puzzled...

While you were away we checked you out further & found that you are a multi-millionaire.

What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

The Yorkshireman replies "Where else in Leeds can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 & expect it to be there when I return?"

 

Ah, the mind of a true Yorkshireman...

 

This is why they survive.