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A young Aussie moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

 

The manager asked “Do you have any sales experience?”

 

The young man answered “Yeah, I was a salesman back home.”

 

The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

 

His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

 

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked “OK, so how many sales did you make today?”

 

The Aussie said “One.”

 

The manager groaned and continued “Just one?

 

Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.

 

How much was the sale for?”

 

“101,237.64.” The Aussie replied.

 

The manager choked and exclaimed “101,237.64?

 

What the hell did you sell him?”

 

“Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then ,I sold him a new fishing rod.

 

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat.

 

Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki”.

 

The manager, incredulous, said “You mean to tell me….a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4×4?”.

 

“No no no……he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said………’Well, since your weekend’s fucked, you might as well go fishing.”

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A southern US joke.

 

 

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN? ABSOLUTELY A

TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT.

 

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly

payments of $560.00).

 

He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin. It's mid-winter;

and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on

the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR.

 

They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for

the ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float on.

 

Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is

going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can

produce.

 

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite

with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid

they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the

fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the

following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with

a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.

 

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR,

the GUNS, and the DOG???

 

Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING;

especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes

off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of

dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.

 

The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in

their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler

at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master,

keeps coming.

 

One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun

is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The

dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another

shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of

course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog

takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator.

 

The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on

the truck t! ouches the dog's rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under

the truck and takes off after his master.

 

 

Then " "" "" "" "" " BOOOOOOOOOOOOM "" "" "" "" "" ! ! ! !

 

The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving

the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happened"

looks on their faces.

 

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal

use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to

make the first of those $560.00 a month payments.

 

The dog is okay. . doing fine.

 

And you thought Rednecks only lived in the South........

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OK OK - here is another one

 

A blonde drags all of her ice fishing equipment out onto the ice. Just as she pulls her saw out to cut a circle in the ice she hears a voice saying, “They’re no fish under the ice.”

 

Perplexed but not to be outdone, she moves over 50 feet and pulls out her saw. Again a voice comes from above saying, “There are no fish under the ice.”

 

Frustrated but determined, she moves 50 feet over and tries one more time only to hear, “I said, there are no fish under the ice!”

 

Puzzled the blonde looks up asking, “Is that you God?”

 

The voice from above replies, “No, this is the manager of the ice rink!”

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Q. How many conservationists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A. Change !!! :(

 

 

Alternative answer.  

Materials and method statement, plus a bat report for good measure.

 

 

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